Sons should cling to their wives and not cause unnecessary tension, such as discussing things with their mother that they do not discuss with their wives, or seeking advice or maternal recognition, as a boy would. They must worship their mothers and honor them as God commanded them by acting as men. They must give themselves completely to their wives. Fingerman, K. L., Gilligan, M., VanderDrift, L., & Pitzer, L. (2012). Relations between in-laws before and after marriage: husbands, wives and mothers-in-law. Research in Human Development, 9(2), 106-125. doi:10.1080/15427609.2012.680843 In fact, most women seem to have a fairly harmless relationship with their mother-in-law until they have children. How do you get along with your mother-in-law? Are you one of those unusual cases that feel like you can`t function without them, or are you gritted teeth holding back and secretly whispering a type of mantra? Many women report tension in their relationship with their mother-in-law, a conflict associated with increased marital dissatisfaction (Rittenour & Koenig Kellas, 2015).

This sad situation made me think of the stereotypical relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Do our mothers-in-law really don`t love us? And if not, why? The real reasons for this common conflict are somewhat surprising and probably stem from our evolutionary history. She found that mothers worry more when sons marry than when their daughters marry. In a study reported by the Wall Street Journal, she said that when a son married, his mothers had more insecurity and insecurity. Will he visit or call less frequently? Will he spend the holidays with his family? “Grandparents evaluated the qualities of bonding with daughters, sons, sons-in-law, and daughters-in-law in different ways,” the authors wrote. “Relationships with stepchildren were more strongly associated with attachment characteristics to grandchildren than relationships with grandparents` own children.” But why? If there is a fight, where and why do a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law set boundaries? What is the point of tension? From my point of view, it is easy to answer this question: the fight is about the husband/son. This separation is difficult for mothers. However, the feeling of rejection is often only felt at the time of marriage, when the mother is finally and completely “replaced” as the main female love in a man`s life. This moment can be the moment when everything changes in a relationship between a man`s mother and his fiancée because it does.

This is also the reason why and when tension rises: the mother, perhaps unconsciously, blames the new woman for her feelings of rejection, and if there is a pattern or history of betrayal on the part of other men, these feelings can emerge and lead to seemingly inappropriate anger against the new couple. However, a mother-in-law of a daughter and a son-in-law should try to facilitate her daughter`s marriage so that her son-in-law remains committed in the long run. In fact, mothers-in-law rate their relationships with their sons-in-law more favourably than their relationships with their daughters-in-law (see Fingerman et al., 2012). In addition, some interventions by mothers-in-law may be aimed at weakening their sons` marriage (Rittenour & Koenig Kellas, 2015). To better understand this, we must first note the unique bond between mother and son. For the son, studies have definitely shown that without the right attachment to his mother, a man`s chances of becoming violent or showing other instabilities increase significantly. The same is not true for girls. (Girls and women are generally not subject to physical violence like boys and men.) So, although it is often emphasized that boys often need a father to raise them to become a man, this is true when it is time, but in the early years, through the maternal bond, a boy learns lessons that he will need as a man. He learns the truth of love first through his gaze and care.

In other words, a man makes a man, but we want more than a man – we want Christian teachers – and it is the mother who puts gentleness in a gentleman. Sociologists who study men`s and women`s relationships with their in-laws have found specific stressors that lead to conflict. Here`s another way to put it: You don`t want a relationship with your mother-in-law for the same reasons everyone hates their in-laws. Here is the data on these reasons and why it is important to overcome them. One of the most emotionally strained relationships in the family is often between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law. A 2015 study attempted to identify the interactions that stepdaughters find most offensive. Not surprisingly, personal attacks and displays of arrogant and controlling behavior were big no-noes. But daughters-in-law remain difficult to please. A reasonable percentage felt that under-participation rather than over-participation was the biggest problem in their relationship with their mother-in-law. So what can we do? Now, as you know, interpersonal tensions and family wounds can be difficult to deal with, but the best way to reduce potential tensions (whether “we” are married, sons or mothers) is to acknowledge the truth and ask for mercy.